Gov. Baker Declares State Of Emergency

BOSTON (XVS) – Governor Charlie Baker declared a state of emergency Monday night so the areas hardest hit by the snow can have time to burry their dead.  The unprecedented amount of snow has caused the normal hustle and bustle of down town Boston and the outer suburbs to first crawl to a halt, then when another two feet of snow fell from the sky toppled over due to peoples hearts just giving out.

Charlie Baker, only accepting phone calls and not actually seen in the city since Groundhog Day was quoted as saying “Most of our winter fatalities occur from people just stressing their hearts shoveling snow but this year it seems many of our citizens are simply losing the will to live.” When asked for an ETA on when snow removal crews will have the city back to a semi-functional state of being the Governor abruptly ended the call saying that he had to attend a meeting with the MBTA chief regarding budget cuts for an already over burdened mass transit system, while in the background this reporter heard something about ‘another round of rum runners!’ and the sounds of splashing as if someone was diving into a pool in a tropical paradise.

– A bunker somewhere in Hoth,



About Sock Gnome

I'm the self loathing, narcissistic, & and misanthropic blogger!

Posted on February 9, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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